A Must Read!!!

I just finished reading Tony Attwood's book, "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome."
If you have, think you have, know someone who you think has, think you know someone who thinks they know someone who might know someone who is related to someones who is dating someone that might have Asperger's, or if you are currently breathing and not on life support, or in a coma, you really should read this book. (Disclaimer: I cannot be held liable for any injury sustained in repeating the above sentence 3 times real fast.)
Hmmm, I should contact Tony about getting paid to advertise..........
Anyways, I cannot tell you just how amazing this book is. The depth, the details, everything about it makes it a most wonderful "reference manual" for people who have AS, and even quite a bit of info on autism too.
He has written it in such a way that even a "normal person", (i.e; not a doctor or other genius type), can understand it easily, for the most part.
There are a few chapters that discuss the clinical aspect of things, and therefore do use some medical terminology.
It showed me so many things about myself, that I would have never thought had anything to do with AS.
It talked about issues that I dealt with as a child, that to me were what I thought to be normal.
It showed me how different my thinking was, (I always knew I thought differently, but not to this degree.)
For the first time in my life, I realize just how blind I am when it comes to social cues, and empathy issues.
All my life people have told me how weird I am, and after I got older, I asked my wife if she could tell me why I had problems keeping friends. I asked the few friends I had the same question. But no matter who I asked, no one seemed to be able to, "put a finger on it".
All they could tell me is that there is just something different about you. Sometimes they would attempt to give cause, like, "maybe how smart you are makes them feel threatened. In the end it still didnt really answer the question. Not because it didnt make sense, but because of the numbers, I guess.
You see, making friends has never been a "big" problem for me, it's keeping them.
Losing a couple because they feel threatened intellectually would make sense. Losing 97% of them after only a few weeks, or maybe months, that does not.
I never realized I had issues with empathy at all, and to be honest, I hesitate to use the word issue, simply because its misleading.
I have empathy.
If my wife, or one of my children is hurt, I do feel some level of distress, or discomfort over it. Its more about how I express empathy. That seems to be the real issue.
I am going to use an example from Tony's book to illustrate what I mean.
In the book, several children were asked a series of questions. This group was comprised of NT's and children with AS.
The first question asked was, "If you came home from school, and found your mother crying, what would you do?"
The first response from both groups of children is the same, "What's wrong?"
He then asks, "What could you do or say to make her feel better?"
I stopped reading at this point, to answer the question without knowing what the "proper answers" were.
My response was, "I would get her some tissues, leave her alone, or give her a hug depending upon the amount of sadness she was showing."
I then read the responses.
Typical children would offer words of support and/or encouragement to help cheer her up.
Children with AS preferred to offer a practical action, like getting some tea, offering tissues, talking about their, (the child's, not the mother's), special interest, or leaving her alone.
He then went on to add that occasionally, a child with AS would suggest a hug, but when asked why they would give the hug, their response was different.
Again, I stopped to formulate a response, which was, "That's what your supposed to do."
Proceeding to read on, it said, "that children with AS would usually respond with, "I dont know why, but that's what your supposed to do."
To use an NT expression, "You could have knocked me over with a feather".
Thirty six years of living, and if you would have asked me last week if my responses would be considered normal to an NT.........I most certainly would have believed so.
So again, if you really want to understand they way someone with AS thinks, or how different things might affect them, then don't hesitate, get this book.
If you only read ONE book about Asperger's, make sure that this is the one, you will not regret it.