Today, hmmmm........feel very lonely today.
I don't understand why people have to see your disability in order to be your friend.
I see people in wheelchairs, those who are blind, deaf, dumb, people with downs syndrome, and other maladies, all hanging out with friends. At the mall, going to the movies, bars, etc. I see them everywhere.
Why do they rate higher than I, or is it that I rate lower than they?
You can't tell I'm different, not just by looking at me. I appear normal, is that why there is no forgiveness for my, "strange behavior"?
If I were in a wheelchair, would you excuse my "weirdness"? If I had a guide dog, would that make you more likely to be my friend?
I don't get it. I don't look like a freak, but you treat me like a freak, ostracizing me with your absence.
You make me as much of a social leper, as I do myself, like I need your help in that area.
You think my "condition" is a "disability". But if you spent time with me, you would know that its really a gift, with, admittedly, some strange side effects.
I am not contagious, you cant catch Asperger's from me, nor Autism. You cant contract my weirdness, or be infected by my "quirks". If I could, I would share my minds great ability to solve problems, or puzzles, or give you some of my ability to see the world in the ways you cannot, if you would just let me be a part of your world.
Where is my friend, the one that likes me for who I am, or in spite of what condition I may have?
Why is that so much to ask.................
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I...want...my...freaking...pen...back!!!!
OK, so, I was reading another blog today about a young woman who thinks her father might have Aspergers, and she noted that her father seemed totally unemotionally vested in regards to tragic world events, but would become upset if someone moved his ashtray.
This was an eye-opener for me, as I realized, that I was that way as well.
Not the unemotionally vested part, I've always know I was like that.
No, it was the part about the ashtray, except for me, its a single ink pen I keep on my desk.
You see, for the last 10 days, I haven't been feeling, "quite myself".
I spent several days trying to figure out why I have been feeling so much "turmoil" inside.
Another blog led me to the answer on the "feelings" part of it, and I was able to connect the dots and realize the whole point of this particular article.
Today, I realized that I am upset because someone, (might even be me), has lost my ink pen.
As strange as I am sure it must sound, this ink pen is important for me.
No, there is nothing special about it, other than it writes nice. It's not expensive, it has no sentimental value, in fact, upon really thinking about it, its not even the pen itself that is important to me, although it is.
Hmmmm, this is going to be harder to explain than I thought.
OK, I say the pen is important, because I want that particular pen on my desk. But once the pen runs out of ink, I have no issues with tossing the pen in the trash and putting a different pen in its place. The new pen doesn't have to look like the old pen, or be the same type, as long as it writes nice.
It annoys me however because my family, regardless of how many times I have asked them nicely not to touch my pen, inevitably "needs to use it real quick"and now it has disappeared, and cannot be found.
You would think that this would be a simple fix, right? Replace the pen, problem solved right? Except for one thing.......there was nothing wrong with this pen!!!! It had ink! It wasn't broken. I liked it.
My wife says, "Good grief, Hun, its just a pen." Shes 100% correct, it was "just a pen". So were the 20 before it, all of which disappeared in less than 3 months. So if she realizes that its just a pen, and that in and of itself, it is so unimportant, why is it so hard for her, or my kids to leave it the freak alone, or put it back, so that it doesn't bother me when they take it????
And in fact, its not even so much that they use it, its that they don't put it back, or at least place it somewhere where I can find it. I don't care about its exact placement. I don't even care if its on my desk. I just want to know where it is, at all times, so that when I want to use my pen, I can use my pen!
I feel like I need a pen with a built in GPS system!
OK, /rant.
This was an eye-opener for me, as I realized, that I was that way as well.
Not the unemotionally vested part, I've always know I was like that.
No, it was the part about the ashtray, except for me, its a single ink pen I keep on my desk.
You see, for the last 10 days, I haven't been feeling, "quite myself".
I spent several days trying to figure out why I have been feeling so much "turmoil" inside.
Another blog led me to the answer on the "feelings" part of it, and I was able to connect the dots and realize the whole point of this particular article.
Today, I realized that I am upset because someone, (might even be me), has lost my ink pen.
As strange as I am sure it must sound, this ink pen is important for me.
No, there is nothing special about it, other than it writes nice. It's not expensive, it has no sentimental value, in fact, upon really thinking about it, its not even the pen itself that is important to me, although it is.
Hmmmm, this is going to be harder to explain than I thought.
OK, I say the pen is important, because I want that particular pen on my desk. But once the pen runs out of ink, I have no issues with tossing the pen in the trash and putting a different pen in its place. The new pen doesn't have to look like the old pen, or be the same type, as long as it writes nice.
It annoys me however because my family, regardless of how many times I have asked them nicely not to touch my pen, inevitably "needs to use it real quick"and now it has disappeared, and cannot be found.
You would think that this would be a simple fix, right? Replace the pen, problem solved right? Except for one thing.......there was nothing wrong with this pen!!!! It had ink! It wasn't broken. I liked it.
My wife says, "Good grief, Hun, its just a pen." Shes 100% correct, it was "just a pen". So were the 20 before it, all of which disappeared in less than 3 months. So if she realizes that its just a pen, and that in and of itself, it is so unimportant, why is it so hard for her, or my kids to leave it the freak alone, or put it back, so that it doesn't bother me when they take it????
And in fact, its not even so much that they use it, its that they don't put it back, or at least place it somewhere where I can find it. I don't care about its exact placement. I don't even care if its on my desk. I just want to know where it is, at all times, so that when I want to use my pen, I can use my pen!
I feel like I need a pen with a built in GPS system!
OK, /rant.
I guess I should introduce myself.....
Obviously, I have Asperger's Disease, no Syndrome, no, its Disorder, no.......sheesh...pick a name already!
Hmm, so what doesn't my profile tell you about me.....oh, I know, we found out I had Aspergers in Dec of this last year. So I am still learning about me, and what that all means, how it affects me. Its kinda strange, really. So many of the things, ("quirks"), that I always thought were "normal", I now attribute to my Aspergers. To me, they were never things that I would have thought were, "strange", a little silly or different, maybe, but nothing that I thought was too far out of the "norm".
Uh, what else??? Ah, something personal...kind of. I love wolves! I think I feel a kind of, "kinship" to them. Well, on a metaphorical level anyways, I have always felt like the "lone wolf".
Not sure what else I can tell you, other than keep checking back, and as I blog my life away, you'll begin to see, well, me. ;P
Hmm, so what doesn't my profile tell you about me.....oh, I know, we found out I had Aspergers in Dec of this last year. So I am still learning about me, and what that all means, how it affects me. Its kinda strange, really. So many of the things, ("quirks"), that I always thought were "normal", I now attribute to my Aspergers. To me, they were never things that I would have thought were, "strange", a little silly or different, maybe, but nothing that I thought was too far out of the "norm".
Uh, what else??? Ah, something personal...kind of. I love wolves! I think I feel a kind of, "kinship" to them. Well, on a metaphorical level anyways, I have always felt like the "lone wolf".
Not sure what else I can tell you, other than keep checking back, and as I blog my life away, you'll begin to see, well, me. ;P
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