On his blog, fellow Aspergarian, Gavin Bollard posted an article about the question, "How was your day?" You can find the article he wrote here. You will also find a link there to the article that originally spawned both Gavin's article as well as my own.
I used to wondered how people knew what the appropriate response to that question is?
As I got older, I realized that most people didn't really care, it was merely a "formality".
Unfortunately, sometimes, people really do want to know. It is at this point when it really becomes an issue.
Just like in the other two articles, I see that you are asking me to provide a specific answer to an open ended question. Not only is that question vague in and of itself, but now I must deduce what type of answer you seek.
It could be you are asking about my emotion state of being, or perhaps you wish to know if I am physically doing well. Perhaps you are trying to determine my mental capabilities at the moment, and if they are up to par with my "usual" capabilities. Maybe, you are asking for a sum of the above the equations, (I really hope not, because then I am going to have to go thru my day three times to access how I am doing emotionally, mentally, and physically, and then divide them in to group of positive and negative effects, and put them on a "mental scale" to see how the balance tips so I can tell you the truth. This could take a hour depending on how many events occurred through out my day).
It seems to me, that NT's have this "magical ability" to continually keep and emotional, mental, and physical tally of events and sum them up rather efficiently.
I wish I could do that, but I cannot.
In fact, often times, I am not aware of my, "conditions", unless I am asked how my day was. Up until that point, it was just another day. But by making me reflect upon the events of the day, I realize that I had several events that caused me frustration and therefore I should be having a bad day.
At this point I become alarmed because I realize that the "type" of day that I have had, and my emotional, mental, or physical "answer", do not add up. Something clearly must be wrong, so I must search thru my day yet again to find out if I have missed something to change the way I should be feeling to how I am actually feeling.
If I cannot find something that has caused this error to occur, I become frustrated.
Upon realizing that I am feeling frustrated, I realize that how my day actually was, and how I feel is now correct, and I feel relieved, which changes my outlook back to what it was before I started having a "bad day". So once again, something is wrong, but at this point, I choose not to dwell upon it further, because I already know I will not be able to find the answer within myself, and choose to just give up and let it go, as there is currently no solution available.
To me this question is a bad one, thankfully, as I said before, I don't usually have to dwell on it to much.
Another bad question for me, is when my friend asks me, "Are you feeling ok?"
Sigh.
Here we go again.
3 comments:
And you can get by with answering with a grunt, or "Fine, thank you", and that will fit the bill.
But then I get annoyed. "Why ask me if you really don't want to know or care? Why waste my time in trying to find an appropriate answer to keep you from continuing the conversation? Why not just leave me alone and it's done with?"
Which causes me to hurry up and finish whatever I'm doing so I can get away so I don't have to stress over it all.
Which is why I stay in the house as much as possible.
Cyclical.
Interesting way of looking at this question... i hate the question for different reasons though... it never sounds real, it's always so fake... and when i tell people to leave me alone and to stop asking questions such as "hey, what's up?," "How are you?" and "how was your day" they get offended... i just can't help it though, it feels like boiling water on my skin every time i'm asked, it's just so irritating...
I agree with Ben. Most people who ask this question really don't want an honest answer! I think they ask it only because people are supposed to ask it.
When people ask me the question, I give them an honest answer. I will often launch into a monologue about how I'm doing -- good, bad or otherwise! I often share far more information than they ever bargained for.
Since I live in a tiny rural hamlet (pop. 1,750), many people have learned NOT to ask me how I'm doing unless they truly want to know.
Post a Comment