tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2489603641539917102024-03-13T00:49:13.608-07:00Aspergers: Normally AbnormalThese are the rants, ideals, epiphanies, thought processes, ravings, (call em what what ever you want), of a 36 year old male with Aspergers. The story of his struggles, and triumphs with life, love, careers, happiness.....awww screw it, just call it my online diary!!!
<center><a href="http://www.ringsurf.com/ring/MoiIsInTheHouse/">Autism Bloggers</a><br><a href="http://www.ringsurf.com">Powered By Ringsurf</a></center>Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-90834289100550173982011-10-21T13:33:00.001-07:002011-10-21T13:33:22.500-07:00I'm here at school, and just got a new Asus transformer tablet PC, and since I have a small break in between classes, I thought I would check out some of us features.<div></div>Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-5366280023677068312011-09-14T19:42:00.001-07:002011-09-14T19:42:30.265-07:00This should be fun.......<div><p>So I have decided to return to school. I stay my first term on the 26th.<br>
Interestingly, I would have thought that after not having been in school for over 20 years. <br>
Honestly, the thought of the academic portion doesn't bother me at all, in fact, the only thing that seems to give me pause, would be the large crowds that are present in a collegiate environment.<br>
Over all, I think I am really looking forward to this.</p>
</div>Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-91981725177045296002011-09-14T02:48:00.000-07:002011-09-14T02:48:36.298-07:00The Agonizingly Slow Death of Social GamingI have been playing social games on Facebook now for several years. I started with Farmville and started exploring many of the different genres of social games.<br />
First, let me say that I believe that social gaming was a great idea. You can sit down and play games with your friends who, may not have the time, or a way to come over visit with you personally, or with any frequency. You can play games with your family, even if they live halfway around the world. Making it even more appealing, you can chat with them, as if they were sitting across a table from you playing a board game, or on your couch playing a video game.<br />
At first, it was, (no pun intended), all fun and games. Lately, however, it has been the source of constant frustration.<br />
If it were merely one game, I wouldnt even bother writing about it. But I have noticed it has been creeping into all the games.<br />
Games are supposed to be fun, relaxing, something to eliminate boredom and monotony.<br />
Have you played any Facebook games lately? Finding they are not "fun", like they used to be? Have you noticed that, instead of feeling relaxed, you are starting to feel stressed about the game you are playing? Are they starting to feel like drudgery to you?<br />
I understand, I feel the same way too.<br />
Lately, there is one game that has me in a "love/hate relationship" more than any other.<br />
Frontierville/Pioneer Trail.<br />
Did you just grab a handful of hair and try to pull it from your head?!? Yeah, I get that.<br />
This game, and many other games on Facebook, has a massive amount of potential to be a lot of fun. And to be fair, in the beginning, it actually was. By beginning, I mean the first 10 levels or so. After that, I began to see just what a nightmare this game was going to become.<br />
The problem with social gaming as a whole, is that it depends on having friends who are willing to be your "neighbors". If this were the only requirement, then social gaming would not be a threat to itself, but sadly, it is not the only requirement.<br />
No, there are additional requirements for your friends, and to be fair, they have the same requirements as you do. Theoretically, that should makes things work out well....unfortunately, social gaming doesnt factor in the human element of things.<br />
Here is where social gaming begins its catastrophic fail.<br />
You have to ask your friends for stuff.........LOTS of stuff, and when it comes to having to ask your friends for LOTS of stuff, no other game pushes the envelope more than Frontierville. The makers of Frontierville/Pioneer Trail, (Zynga), expect you to be more greedy than any other social game that I have ever seen.<br />
Now, if the human element were not involved in this process, again, it probably wouldnt create any issues. But the human element dictates that we become bored doing repetitive things. As a result, the retention rate for many of these games, is that for every 100 friends you have as a neighbor, you will be lucky to have 25 left after 6 months.<br />
The reason for such an exodus of people in such a short amount of time is, I believe, the fault of the game developers.<br />
Why? Well, to start with, they make these games and call them "in-beta". And in the beginning of the game, it certainly is true. What this means, is that the game is, "unfinished", and that you should "expect there will be bugs".<br />
Ok, for the record, I am all for beta testing. The entire purpose of beta testing is to find and eliminate bugs before the game "goes retail". These games usually do not "go retail". However, the word beta still implies a process which at some point will be terminated, (the game will be considered finished). However, I believe many of the companies making these games, call them beta, and then use that as an excuse, (i.e "its beta, its gonna have bugs"), will very little intention of actually fixing the bugs, unless they are "serious bugs", but instead focus on delivering new content to the end user in hopes of keeping them longer so they can keep making money thru the advertisements. Frontierville/Pioneer Trail undoubtedly fit this profile. Many, if not most of the bugs that existed BEFORE Pioneer Trail, are still creating major issues for a multitude of players. This right here is one of the biggest reasons for a pc game, or a platform game for that matter, to fail.<br />
If your car was having electrical issues, you would not expect to take it to your mechanic and hear him say, "Ok, so let try adding a cigarette lighter, and a cd player, and a cb radio, and a satellite radio to your car, and we'll throw on some new tires and add another steering wheel. Hopefully that will fix it". But that is exactly what many of these companies are doing. Adding stuff in the hopes that the "new stuff" will be good enough to make you wanna "keep your car", in spite of its issues.<br />
Ok, so lets get back on track. To make things even more frustrating, even with 100 friends, you only are allowed so many "asks" per day. I believe with Frontierville it is 50.<br />
Thats not so bad then, right?<br />
Wrong again.<br />
The problem with this, is that not all your friends spend everyday on the pc, and even if they are on the pc every day, that doesnt mean that they are playing *your game* every day. And, even if they are on the pc, and playing *your game*, every day, they still may not be checking your feeds every day to see what you need. And even if they check your feeds, they may not be looking far enough back thru your posts, because if you play at 7am, and they start playing at 7pm, and they dont look back to your 7am posts, they have no idea that you need a particular thing.<br />
So ultimately, you end up playing a game, with the hopes that your friends are dependable, both in playing long and short term, and that they will always be on when u are, OR at least always go back thru their posts so they always know what you need and when you need it.<br />
Well, that doesnt sound unreasonable, and it certainly isnt unrealistic. I mean, I only have 100 neighbors now whose posts I have to keep track of, reading all of them up to the last time I logged off. After all, I have all the time in the world, just as all of my fiends do. You guys do too, right? Your all jobless, none of you are students, or have a family so that you have no obligations, which allows you to spend every waking moment just going thru 100 of your friends feeds to make sure they have everything they need to play the game successfully, knowing deep down in your heart that they are doing the exact same thing too, right? Right? Hello?<br />
Why are you all suddenly so quiet? I can hear my own echo......and was that a cricket chirping I just heard?<br />
In the ecological and economical world, there is a term for this.......<u><i><b>UNSUSTAINABILITY</b></i></u>.<br />
So, to help shorten the length of this post a little, let me give u an idea of how this looks, using the actual numbers withing the game.<br />
Currently, I have 28 quests that I am working on. I also have 7 subquests. These are quests which may/may not require me to ask friends for stuff, but they require me to do something (usually build something), which does require it.<br />
So, main quests alone, currently, I must ask my friends for 211 various items. Two of the quests I have also require that I visit a neighbor and harvest a specific plant type. This is a little less problematic than having to ask my friends for an item, but still requires the help of a friend or 3 as there are 3 different plants this quest wants me to harvest. Hopefully I can <i>impose</i> on my one friend to plant all 3 crops, or impose on 3 friends to plant one of each.<br />
Now, in addition to the 211 items needed for quests, I also have 5 building on my property that require me to ask for my neighbors help yet again.<br />
This accounts for a whopping <u><b>435</b></u> <u><b>items</b></u>!!! Five buildings require more than double the amount of items than 28 quests!!!<br />
Im not done yet.<br />
On top of all of this, I have one school lesson that I am working on. To complete this lesson, i must ask my friend for 40 additional items.<br />
So, to complete all of the above, I must ask my 100 friends, of whom only 25 seem to be active players, for a grand total of 686 items.<br />
So, in a perfect world, I would send out my 50 requests a day, (some of these are not direct request, but most do require you to ask by checking names off of a list), and the next day I would have 50 of the parts I need, allowing me to complete 28 quests and 5 building, and 1 school lesson in <i>ONLY</i> 14 days.<br />
*Sigh* God I wish we lived in a perfect world.<br />
Unfortunately for me, we do not live in a perfect world, so I am going to ask 50/100 players, of whom only 25 are seemingly active, check tomorrow to find that I have 7-14 gifts waiting, of which only 2-5 will be something I actually asked for, meaning that these 28 quests, 5 building and 1 school lesson will all be completed around April of next year...LITERALLY.<br />
Of course, this assumes that none of the, "human element", creeps into my world forcing me to not play for a day or 2 hear and there, and that there will be no interruptions to my power, or internet for anything that could cause me to loose a crop, or for my gift requests to get "lost" when either asking, or receiving.<br />
The really sad thing for social gaming, is that this litttle......err, long rant, really only touches on the surface of these issues. It would not have been a hard thing at all for me to break this up into a five part-long blog, maybe longer, and going in depth about many of the issues above, plus one or two other contributors which I didn't even bring up.<br />
I will not try to predict how long before social gaming collapses. I will merely say that, without major changes, it will.<br />
Really, social gaming and MMORPG's, (think Everquest and World of Warcraft), are not unlike.<br />
The difference being that, with MMORPG's, they are starting to correct for the issues that being "social" creates. Both Everquest, Everquest 2, and WoW have made modifications to their games to allow people to still be able to be social, without relying on their friend to reach "endgame".<br />
When Everquest first came out, the whole reason to group was that it was very, very hard to reach endgame without needing to be in a group. This created many of the same issues that are now coming out in social gaming, in that you had to rely on your friends being on, in order to accomplish your missions. But with MMORPG's, it was never so abusive. Even if your "friends" weren't on, you could still enlist the help of people who were not your friends to accomplish the same task. Lately, they have found that even that hasn't been quite enough. It has helped, but many MMORPG's have added a lot of "solo-able content". That way, if your friends aren't on, you can still find plenty to do to help you move closer to the endgame, until your friends do log in.<br />
Oh yeah, did I mention that every time I complete a quest it opens up a new quest or two?<br />
So who wants to play a social game with me? :-D<br />
<br />Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-24237965685805399742011-03-26T08:55:00.001-07:002011-03-26T08:55:15.476-07:00Oh yeah......<div><p>I have missed you guys. </p>
</div>Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-70472161119188829102011-03-26T08:22:00.001-07:002011-03-26T08:22:02.357-07:00Where does the time go?<div><p>Wow!! I cannot believe that it has been over a year since my last post. <br>
One year ago, I started my own business, and it quickly consumed a very massive portion of my life. I figured I would visit this blog on my weekends, but alas, running a business in incredibly time consuming, especially if one wishes it to be successful, lol.<br>
Now, both my wife and I have these wonderful new Droid X's, and, coupled with the blogger app I found, I should be able to find a little more time to deal with my now stagnant blog.</p>
</div>Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-60905680749085159402009-09-06T03:42:00.001-07:002009-09-06T04:17:47.229-07:00Hypo/Hyper-Sensitivity & the Modern Aspie: Part 1Well, it has been way too long since my last post, and so many things have happened, both good and bad, its hard to know where to start.<br />So, rather than try to "rehash" everything that has happened in the past year, (almost), that I have been on hiatus, I have decided to discuss a topic that has been coming up quite frequently with both friends and family.<br />I do not know what has caused this sudden curiosity from my "NT" friends and family. It is certainly nothing new, as these sensitivities have always existed.<br />I have many things that I am "sensitive" to.<br />Most of them are "hyper", some are "hypo".<br />For as long as I can remember, I have had a strong aversion to sunlight. I would much rather be active at night to avoid the sunlight. It hurts my eyes. I have to buy the darkest sunglasses I can find, and still would rather just not be outside when it is bright out.<br />Sunlight also affects me differently than most people.<br />I have noticed that the "average" person, seems to be energized by sunlight. They become very active.<br />Sunlight makes me want to sleep.<br />If I have to be out all day in the sunlight, I will be lethargic all day long.<br />The interesting thing is, I am more, "reptilian" than "mammalian".<br />What I mean by that is, I seem to "store" energy until the sun goes down. About one hour after sunset, I become alive. Abundant energy....the "bouncing off the walls" kind of energy.<br />This type of sensitivity, by my understanding, is the most common type of hyper-sensitivity for those with Autism/Aspergers.<br />Interestingly, I have noted a rather unique, "side effect" to having this particular sensitivity.<br />I actually see better at night, than I do during the day. I mean a lot better.<br />I have amazed people by being able to spot a black cat, under a car, in the middle of the night, when there was no other light source to assist in my spotting him. I can see "shadows within shadows", if that makes any sense. I wish I could think of a better way to explain that.<br />My son, Kyle, (diagnosed autistic), was born with the same "contempt" for sunlight.<br />He used to hate going for car rides, as the sun inevitably would, "hurt" him.<br />At first, we weren't sure what the issue was. We thought he just didn't like car rides. As he got older, we figured it out and after purchasing a darker sunshade. He now enjoys car rides much better. At 8 years old now, he would much rather play indoors than outside. When he does choose to play outside, he usually doesn't do it for any length of time, usually an hour or two at most.<br />How many of you know someone, or is someone with a similar issue concerning sunlight? I would like to keep this article narrowed to just the sunlight topic. As you may have noticed, the title of this blog is, "Part 1".<br />My intention is to cover the various sensitivities, one at a time, so as not to consume my whole day with typing.Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-78390522736972533352009-02-05T03:38:00.000-08:002009-02-05T03:52:29.668-08:003CrazyBoys asked meif I ever created the "illusion of eye contact" when I am speaking to other people, and I do.<br />But in discussing the issue with a young lady who has Aspergers, I have come to realize something else.<br />I know this holds true for me at least, but I cannot speak for others who have Aspergers, and that is this.<br />For me, the level of discomfort is more when someone looks into my eyes, rather than when I look into theirs.<br />If I am speaking with someone, and they are distracted visual by something else, like kids playing, or a pet doing something, I feel as If it is, "safe", to look at them, but as soon as their gaze gets to my own eyes, I suddenly feel the need to look away.<br />It almost a borderline OCD for me. Like a "knee-jerk" reaction. I look away almost instantly, and without even thinking about it.<br />Oh, there is some level of discomfort for me, to look into anothers eyes, but having someone look me in the eyes makes me instantly uncomfortable to a far greater degree. I do not know why that is either, which is frustrating, as I have been pondering this for several days now, and still have no answer.<br />It does make me wonder how other people on the spectrum feel about eye contact.<br />Is looking into someone elses eyes equally discomforting, or greater, or does it not bother you as much, as when they look into yours?Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-13677964649743042592009-01-28T01:07:00.000-08:002009-01-28T01:28:00.721-08:00Strange How Some Things Work Out!Have you ever noticed that?<br />I mean, when I started to blog about Aspergers, I did it mainly as a way to vent.<br />I did not know anyone else that had Aspergers at the time, and it really didn't seem like anyone else could relate to me.<br />So mainly, it was a forum to "yell" about my frustrations.<br />It also had a secondary nature to it though as well.<br />I blogged in hopes that someone else affected by Aspergers would say "hi", and we could communicate so that I could attempt to understand the road that I had now found myself upon.<br />In an ironic twist however, this blog has apparently been more useful to other people, as I regularly find emails, or posts, thanking me for writing what little I have.<br />I am very happy that those of you who have written or posted here, have been able to find some comfort. I hope that as I continue to grow and learn, (feels strange to say that at 37 years of age, hehehe), I will be able to be a continued source of assistance to you.<br />And to those who have written about their own experiences, I thank you.<br />And to those who have been kind enough to "Follow Me", I promise I am going to try to start writing more often than I have.<br />The process will be a little slow, but I hope that withing a couple of weeks, I shall be posting new stuff at least once per week.<br />Unfortunately, anything more than that, will just be whenever I have time.Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-23738273360638152132009-01-19T16:02:00.001-08:002009-01-19T16:18:33.719-08:00The opposite question.In the last post, I was curious as to what NT's felt made eye contact so important.<br />I now wish to try to find out what about eye contact makes those of us with AS, so uncomfortable?<br />You would think that, having AS, that I would know this answer, but truthfully, as I sit here and ponder on it, I cannot honestly tell you why I dont really wish to look at your eyes.<br />All I can tell you, is that I have never really liked it....thats it, no real reason beyond that.<br />I mean I am well aware that by looking into anothers eye's, they will not be stealing my soul. I will not suddenly catch fire, or any other absurd thing.<br />I absolutely have no idea for myself, as to why this is something so uncomfortable.<br />So now that I have reflected upon it, I realize how illogical it is, at least for me.<br />But having said that, its a very real discomforting thing for me, so I doubt that it will change anytime soon.<br />So now I am curious if any other people with ASD's have an understanding as to why they dont like eye contact.Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-47198778413734951292009-01-16T02:27:00.000-08:002009-01-16T02:48:08.052-08:00Just a quick question.Since the holiday season ended, things have quieted down to a nice lull, that I have been really enjoying.<br />Having said that, I haven't really been able to think of anything to write.<br />But, I was having a conversation with one of our neighbors, and the topic about eye contact came up.<br />That got me to wondering.<br />What exactly about looking into someones eyes is so important?<br />I mean, eyes are pretty, but alone, they have almost no value in a conversation. You cannot tell if someone is being deceptive based only upon their eyes, but one must also focus on the corners of the eyes, the eyebrows, and the eyelids. Sometimes, with really good liars, you must look at more than that, like their lips, or what they do with their head, the direction that they tip it when talking, etc.<br />Of course, dilation of a pupil can indicate whether the person you are speaking to feels you are attractive or not, but shouldn't be used as a guarantee of their feelings, as there are other factors that can cause pupil dilation, (drug use, lighting, a recent visit to the optometrist).<br />So I am trying to understand why NT's in general feel that eye contact is so important.<br />From my point of view, as someone with Asperger's, I don't really find much value, other than aesthetics, for continued, or prolonged eye contact.<br />Do you get something else from looking into someones eyes when they are talking?<br />I've tried looking into my wife's eyes. They are olive with little, white specks, although on occasion they are hazel rather than olive. Pretty.<br />But looking into her eyes when having a conversation with her, doesn't seem to add anything more to the conversation, so am I missing something?<br />Can any NT's out their help me understand this?Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-38991663571164964512008-12-26T01:40:00.000-08:002008-12-26T01:41:11.558-08:00The Big, Little and In-Between Things!It is so easy to get caught up in life and the things happening around us, that we forget to watch for things that are so important.<br />We tend to think that something is so small, or insignificant, that its irrelevant, or sometimes, we rely on the "bigger things" so much, that we take them for granted.<br />Discovering that I have Aspergers has been a, ironically, nice thing. It has opened, not just my eyes, by the eyes of those who know and love me to so many things.<br />The people who know and love me, now understand me in ways that they never had before, and it has made a huge difference for the better.<br />I know I have been very blessed with this experience, as things could have not turned out quite as well as they have so far.<br />Rather than understanding, I could have received pity instead. I also could have had people alienate me further.<br />So far, the only person whom I am aware of, that has felt pity for me, is me. Although that has past, now that I understand more about not just who and what I am, but how much of that is influenced by having AS.<br />So having said all that, I would like to make honorable mention to the one person who has stood by me the most. The one person who could have left and chose to stay, knowing that there would be no guarantees that there would be anything to gain by staying.<br />My wife.<br />I have never considered myself a poet. In fact, to be honest with you, if you were to ask me to sit down and write a poem, I really would have a great difficulty doing it. I dont know why, I understand the concepts of poems, and in high school, I received no less than B's in areas of poetry, but creating a poem is just something that doesn't seem to flow from me naturally. Except on rare occasions, when for some unknown reason, one will just, "hit" me.<br />Like this one.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:130%;" >EVERYTHING<br /><br />She does not look at me, with condescending eyes.<br />She doesn't hold it against me, that I am not like other guys.<br />Yes, she thinks I'm strange, and sometimes weird indeed.<br />But in spite of all these things, she still loves me for me.<br />I know at times I have tried her patience, no doubt to the very end.<br />Yet, through it all she remains, my very closest friend.<br />She knows all of my weaknesses, and every fault I have.<br />Some of which I am sure, drives her very mad.<br />My wife is so important to me, for so many reasons.<br />Without her in my life, I would not want to last a season.<br />No, she isn't perfect, but its close enough to me.<br />My only prayer is that I can be, what she has been to me.<br />Everything.</span><br /></div>Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-16164296177066221042008-12-25T05:24:00.000-08:002008-12-25T05:32:33.824-08:00A Holiday Wish!I just wanted to wish everyone, Happiest Holidays!<br />I know that for many, this year has been a really rough one, with our economy being what it is.<br />I do hope, that in spite of all of that, you can still see the things that make your lives so rich!<br />My wife and I will not be buying gifts for each other this year, so that our children will have at least an average Christmas.<br />That is fine with us. A hard pill to swallow, yes! But we know that we will manage some how. <br />The important thing, is that we stick together, and go thru it, together.<br />We've been through many rough patches before, and we have always come out stronger in the end for it. <br />We are stronger than our situation, and we know it.<br />So for those of you, who are in similar "boats"....know that you too can be stronger than your situation. Doesn't mean things will be easier. It just means you already know that, when it all is over, your gonna be the ones on top!<br />And with that........<br />Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!!!Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-89034426889017221092008-12-25T05:17:00.000-08:002008-12-26T00:51:36.995-08:00Misreading Social Cues....are you sure?This is actually a re-post of an article that I originally wrote on Wrongplanet.net. I wrote this before I had created this blog, and after changing my setting on Wrongplanet to link to here, I could no longer find the blog on Wrongplanet. <br />Anyways, I finally found it again, but it was so "hidden", i decided to re-post it for those of you who follow my blog.<br /><br />Misreading social cues.....are you sure?<br />posted at 05:21 am on 09-15-2008<br /><br />Well, I suppose it would only be appropriate to start off by saying that, I am not good with the "chitter-chatter" stuff, so I'll just get straight to the point.<br />I've been reading a lot since I found out about AS, and have noted that, it is the general consensus that, Aspies have problems understanding social cues.<br />Personally, I think this is erroneous, at least, for me it seems to be.<br />Not because I don't have issues with social cues, I do, but its not that I am missing them, but rather I am not receiving enough of them.<br />This "theory" came to be, when celebrating my wife 32nd birthday, we went out to a local restaurant with some friends. My wife's girlfriend brought a date with her. He was not aware of the fact that I have AS, or what it means to have AS.<br />As the course of the evening went on, during our various discourses, our friend's date, would, in my opinion, seem to mock me regarding things I said, and/or did. He was not cruel, nor do I believe his intentions were to be cruel, but rather, (and I think this might be an NT thing), an attempt on his part to feel less awkward, by using sarcasm, and "teasing humor" to set the tone of the evening.<br />After the evening was over I questioned my wife about this, and she confirmed he was indeed teasing me over the social cues that I "missed", but that his intentions were harmless.<br />At this point, I realized that, I had not missed the cues at all, as I did believed that he was teasing me. HOWEVER, not having enough evidence to prove this, I IGNORED the cues, (for the time being), and continued my conversations as if they had not been given, watching for further cues, hoping I would eventually get enough of them to make a "correct and informed decision".<br />Are you like me, in the fact that, rather than "guess" at a social cue, even though you are most likely correct, you choose instead to try to find more "proof" that the cue is indeed what you thought it was?<br />Or is this just a "me" thing?<br />On a footnote, I am doing something I rarely do, by "guessing" that this is NOT just a "me" thing, because, from what I have read, Aspies tend to, as my wife puts it, "Have to be right".<br />What do you guys think?Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-88935754006376483002008-11-28T15:41:00.000-08:002008-11-28T16:04:42.256-08:00Ahhhh Thanksgiving...a day in which we come together as friends and family to remind ourselves of all the things we have to be thankful for.<br />A day full of dread, anxiety, and trepidation. Oh how I hate this holiday. Usually.....<br />Normally, for Thanksgiving, we go over to my mother's, or to my wife's mothers house. We do not usually stay long, because I start getting really antsy about all the noise and people milling about. Usually 4 hours is my limit before I start feeling like something is crushing my chest.<br />This year, we decided to join my brother-in-law and his family and friends.<br />This ended up being the largest Thanksgiving dinner I can ever recall attending.<br />However, it didnt go off like I expected at all.<br />I anticipated the worst, knowing that there would be no less than 17 people there. At on point, there was actually 21 people who attended. <br />I figured my limit would be 2 hours max, and we would probably end up leaving sooner, because my youngest, who is also autistic, would be begging the whole time, (which would only make things worse), to go home.<br />Didn't happen.<br />We arrives at a little after 3 and didn't leave until after 9. And then, only because my wife had to be up at 5 am to go to work.<br />My son didn't ask one time to return home. I didnt feel out of place, and only had one, "awkward moment". It was only so because as people were go about talking with each other, about four small, "pocket groups" formed, and I was unsure of which one I should try to move to. I ended up just picking one randomly, and that ended that.<br />No one talked down to me, or treated me differently. No one made me feel unwelcome.<br />What makes this so impressive, is that these people, most of them, I barely know. None were complete strangers, but you could not say I was close to any of them, save my brother-in-law.<br />So what did I learn from this? What do I have to be thankful for.......I thankful because, sometimes I am wrong!Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-46145136883549486132008-11-14T09:54:00.001-08:002008-11-14T10:40:01.971-08:00I hate this question too!On his blog, fellow Aspergarian, Gavin Bollard posted an article about the question, "How was your day?" You can find the article he wrote <a href="http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/">here</a>. You will also find a link there to the article that originally spawned both Gavin's article as well as my own.<br />I used to wondered how people knew what the appropriate response to that question is?<br />As I got older, I realized that most people didn't really care, it was merely a "formality".<br />Unfortunately, sometimes, people really do want to know. It is at this point when it really becomes an issue.<br />Just like in the other two articles, I see that you are asking me to provide a specific answer to an open ended question. Not only is that question vague in and of itself, but now I must deduce what <span style="font-style:italic;">type</span> of answer you seek. <br />It could be you are asking about my emotion state of being, or perhaps you wish to know if I am physically doing well. Perhaps you are trying to determine my mental capabilities at the moment, and if they are up to par with my "usual" capabilities. Maybe, you are asking for a sum of the above the equations, (I really hope not, because then I am going to have to go thru my day three times to access how I am doing emotionally, mentally, and physically, and then divide them in to group of positive and negative effects, and put them on a "mental scale" to see how the balance tips so I can tell you the truth. This could take a hour depending on how many events occurred through out my day).<br />It seems to me, that NT's have this "magical ability" to continually keep and emotional, mental, and physical tally of events and sum them up rather efficiently.<br />I wish I could do that, but I cannot.<br />In fact, often times, I am not aware of my, "conditions", unless I am asked how my day was. Up until that point, it was just another day. But by making me reflect upon the events of the day, I realize that I had several events that caused me frustration and therefore I should be having a bad day.<br />At this point I become alarmed because I realize that the "type" of day that I have had, and my emotional, mental, or physical "answer", do not add up. Something clearly must be wrong, so I must search thru my day yet again to find out if I have missed something to change the way I should be feeling to how I am actually feeling.<br />If I cannot find something that has caused this error to occur, I become frustrated.<br />Upon realizing that I am feeling frustrated, I realize that how my day actually was, and how I feel is now correct, and I feel relieved, which changes my outlook back to what it was before I started having a "bad day". So once again, something is wrong, but at this point, I choose not to dwell upon it further, because I already know I will not be able to find the answer within myself, and choose to just give up and let it go, as there is currently no solution available.<br />To me this question is a bad one, thankfully, as I said before, I don't usually have to dwell on it to much.<br />Another bad question for me, is when my friend asks me, "Are you feeling ok?"<br />Sigh. <br />Here we go again.Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-46655384225224938812008-11-14T07:20:00.001-08:002008-11-14T08:05:16.820-08:00A Step in the Right Direction?I came across this study yesterday. Not being a clinician of any sorts, I will not do more than offer my opinions on it, rather than make some attempt to extol or deny its merits.<br />You can find the article here. <a href="http://www.bangor.ac.uk/news/full.php?Id=181">http://www.bangor.ac.uk/news/full.php?Id=181</a><br />Having said that, I did like the direction it took.<br />For myself, I have always had issues with my "sleep clock". Usually I sleep roughly 4-6 hour a night. This amount of sleep hasn't ever been a problem, as it leaves me with a lot more time in a day to get things done.<br />It does create a problem in that I rarely sleep at night. Every attempt to get myself on a schedule that keeps me up during the day time does not last, as I usually find myself back to sleeping during the daytime within a matter of no more than three days.<br />From everything I have read about Asperger's, sleep is an issue with most who have AS, I do not know if everyone is afflicted in the same way as I or not, but regardless the article does make some sense. While the article does make some sense, it does not hint in anyway towards an answer to preventing AS, I am curious if anyone else thinks it could be a step in the right direction?Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-81154669112190489702008-11-12T02:51:00.000-08:002008-11-12T03:58:15.419-08:00A Must Read!!!I just finished reading Tony Attwood's book, "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome."<br />If you have, think you have, know someone who you think has, think you know someone who thinks they know someone who might know someone who is related to someones who is dating someone that might have Asperger's, or if you are currently breathing and not on life support, or in a coma, you really should read this book. (Disclaimer: I cannot be held liable for any injury sustained in repeating the above sentence 3 times real fast.)<br />Hmmm, I should contact Tony about getting paid to advertise..........<br />Anyways, I cannot tell you just how amazing this book is. The depth, the details, everything about it makes it a most wonderful "reference manual" for people who have AS, and even quite a bit of info on autism too.<br />He has written it in such a way that even a "normal person", (i.e; not a doctor or other genius type), can understand it easily, for the most part.<br />There are a few chapters that discuss the clinical aspect of things, and therefore do use some medical terminology.<br />It showed me so many things about myself, that I would have never thought had anything to do with AS.<br />It talked about issues that I dealt with as a child, that to me were what I thought to be normal.<br />It showed me how different my thinking was, (I always knew I thought differently, but not to this degree.)<br />For the first time in my life, I realize just how blind I am when it comes to social cues, and empathy issues.<br />All my life people have told me how weird I am, and after I got older, I asked my wife if she could tell me why I had problems keeping friends. I asked the few friends I had the same question. But no matter who I asked, no one seemed to be able to, "put a finger on it".<br />All they could tell me is that there is just something different about you. Sometimes they would attempt to give cause, like, "maybe how smart you are makes them feel threatened. In the end it still didnt really answer the question. Not because it didnt make sense, but because of the numbers, I guess.<br />You see, making friends has never been a "big" problem for me, it's keeping them.<br />Losing a couple because they feel threatened intellectually would make sense. Losing 97% of them after only a few weeks, or maybe months, that does not.<br />I never realized I had issues with empathy at all, and to be honest, I hesitate to use the word issue, simply because its misleading.<br />I have empathy.<br />If my wife, or one of my children is hurt, I do feel some level of distress, or discomfort over it. Its more about how I express empathy. That seems to be the real issue.<br />I am going to use an example from Tony's book to illustrate what I mean.<br />In the book, several children were asked a series of questions. This group was comprised of NT's and children with AS.<br />The first question asked was, "If you came home from school, and found your mother crying, what would you do?"<br />The first response from both groups of children is the same, "What's wrong?"<br />He then asks, "What could you do or say to make her feel better?"<br />I stopped reading at this point, to answer the question without knowing what the "proper answers" were.<br />My response was, "I would get her some tissues, leave her alone, or give her a hug depending upon the amount of sadness she was showing."<br />I then read the responses.<br />Typical children would offer words of support and/or encouragement to help cheer her up.<br />Children with AS preferred to offer a practical action, like getting some tea, offering tissues, talking about their, (the child's, not the mother's), special interest, or leaving her alone.<br />He then went on to add that occasionally, a child with AS would suggest a hug, but when asked why they would give the hug, their response was different.<br />Again, I stopped to formulate a response, which was, "That's what your supposed to do."<br />Proceeding to read on, it said, "that children with AS would usually respond with, "I dont know why, but that's what your supposed to do."<br />To use an NT expression, "You could have knocked me over with a feather".<br />Thirty six years of living, and if you would have asked me last week if my responses would be considered normal to an NT.........I most certainly would have believed so.<br />So again, if you really want to understand they way someone with AS thinks, or how different things might affect them, then don't hesitate, get this book.<br />If you only read ONE book about Asperger's, make sure that this is the one, you will not regret it.Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-85153472434949099272008-09-21T19:27:00.001-07:002008-09-21T19:45:21.552-07:00Really confused...............Today, hmmmm........feel very lonely today.<br />I don't understand why people have to see your disability in order to be your friend.<br />I see people in wheelchairs, those who are blind, deaf, dumb, people with downs syndrome, and other maladies, all hanging out with friends. At the mall, going to the movies, bars, etc. I see them everywhere.<br />Why do they rate higher than I, or is it that I rate lower than they?<br />You can't tell I'm different, not just by looking at me. I appear normal, is that why there is no forgiveness for my, "strange behavior"?<br />If I were in a wheelchair, would you excuse my "weirdness"? If I had a guide dog, would that make you more likely to be my friend?<br />I don't get it. I don't look like a freak, but you treat me like a freak, ostracizing me with your absence.<br />You make me as much of a social leper, as I do myself, like I need your help in that area.<br />You think my "condition" is a "disability". But if you spent time with me, you would know that its really a gift, with, admittedly, some strange side effects.<br />I am not contagious, you cant catch Asperger's from me, nor Autism. You cant contract my weirdness, or be infected by my "quirks". If I could, I would share my minds great ability to solve problems, or puzzles, or give you some of my ability to see the world in the ways you cannot, if you would just let me be a part of your world.<br />Where is my friend, the one that likes me for who I am, or in spite of what condition I may have?<br />Why is that so much to ask.................Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-16982421021399005372008-09-17T03:18:00.000-07:002008-09-17T04:09:15.419-07:00I...want...my...freaking...pen...back!!!!OK, so, I was reading another blog today about a young woman who thinks her father might have Aspergers, and she noted that her father seemed totally unemotionally vested in regards to tragic world events, but would become upset if someone moved his ashtray.<br />This was an eye-opener for me, as I realized, that I was that way as well.<br />Not the unemotionally vested part, I've always know I was like that.<br />No, it was the part about the ashtray, except for me, its a single ink pen I keep on my desk.<br />You see, for the last 10 days, I haven't been feeling, "quite myself".<br />I spent several days trying to figure out why I have been feeling so much "turmoil" inside.<br />Another blog led me to the answer on the "feelings" part of it, and I was able to connect the dots and realize the whole point of this particular article.<br />Today, I realized that I am upset because someone, (might even be me), has lost my ink pen.<br />As strange as I am sure it must sound, this ink pen is important for me.<br />No, there is nothing special about it, other than it writes nice. It's not expensive, it has no sentimental value, in fact, upon really thinking about it, its not even the pen itself that is important to me, although it is.<br />Hmmmm, this is going to be harder to explain than I thought.<br />OK, I say the pen is important, because I want that particular pen on my desk. But once the pen runs out of ink, I have no issues with tossing the pen in the trash and putting a different pen in its place. The new pen doesn't have to look like the old pen, or be the same type, as long as it writes nice.<br />It annoys me however because my family, regardless of how many times I have asked them nicely not to touch my pen, inevitably "needs to use it real quick"and now it has disappeared, and cannot be found.<br />You would think that this would be a simple fix, right? Replace the pen, problem solved right? Except for one thing.......<span style="font-style: italic;">there was nothing wrong with this pen</span>!!!! It had ink! It wasn't broken. I liked it.<br />My wife says, "Good grief, Hun, its just a pen." Shes 100% correct, it was "<span style="font-style: italic;">just a pen"</span>. So were the 20 before it, all of which disappeared in less than 3 months. So if she realizes that its just a pen, and that in and of itself, it is so unimportant, why is it so hard for her, or my kids to leave it the freak alone, or put it back, so that it doesn't bother me when they take it????<br />And in fact, its not even so much that they use it, its that they don't put it back, or at least place it somewhere where I can find it. I don't care about its exact placement. I don't even care if its on my desk. I just want to know where it is, at all times, so that when I want to use <span style="font-weight: bold;">my</span> pen, I can use <span style="font-weight: bold;">my</span> pen!<br />I feel like I need a pen with a built in GPS system!<br />OK, /rant.Nachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248960364153991710.post-81445554396408297962008-09-17T03:00:00.000-07:002008-09-17T05:20:37.838-07:00I guess I should introduce myself.....Obviously, I have Asperger's Disease, no Syndrome, no, its Disorder, no.......sheesh...pick a name already!<br />Hmm, so what doesn't my profile tell you about me.....oh, I know, we found out I had Aspergers in Dec of this last year. So I am still learning about me, and what that all means, how it affects me. Its kinda strange, really. So many of the things, ("quirks"), that I always thought were "normal", I now attribute to my Aspergers. To me, they were never things that I would have thought were, "strange", a little silly or different, maybe, but nothing that I thought was too far out of the "norm".<br />Uh, what else??? Ah, something personal...kind of. I love wolves! I think I feel a kind of, "kinship" to them. Well, on a metaphorical level anyways, I have always felt like the "lone wolf".<br />Not sure what else I can tell you, other than keep checking back, and as I blog my life away, you'll begin to see, well, me. ;PNachtus01http://www.blogger.com/profile/12202186398041109201noreply@blogger.com0