if I ever created the "illusion of eye contact" when I am speaking to other people, and I do.
But in discussing the issue with a young lady who has Aspergers, I have come to realize something else.
I know this holds true for me at least, but I cannot speak for others who have Aspergers, and that is this.
For me, the level of discomfort is more when someone looks into my eyes, rather than when I look into theirs.
If I am speaking with someone, and they are distracted visual by something else, like kids playing, or a pet doing something, I feel as If it is, "safe", to look at them, but as soon as their gaze gets to my own eyes, I suddenly feel the need to look away.
It almost a borderline OCD for me. Like a "knee-jerk" reaction. I look away almost instantly, and without even thinking about it.
Oh, there is some level of discomfort for me, to look into anothers eyes, but having someone look me in the eyes makes me instantly uncomfortable to a far greater degree. I do not know why that is either, which is frustrating, as I have been pondering this for several days now, and still have no answer.
It does make me wonder how other people on the spectrum feel about eye contact.
Is looking into someone elses eyes equally discomforting, or greater, or does it not bother you as much, as when they look into yours?
5 comments:
My son was diagnosed at the school with aspergers and is in the process of being diagnosed through our own private doctor. Naturally I have been thinking a lot about it and sometimes I wonder if I have some mild version of Aspergers. Eye contact while talking to someone is very uncomfortable for me. I feel like I am so distracted by trying to focus on maintaining eye contact that I can't focus on what they are saying and I find myself asking "What was that?" or missing bits of the conversation completely and kind of faking it. And yes, my first instinct is to look away when they look at me. It is much easier for me to have a conversation with someone if there is something distracting to look at.
I wanted to thank you for starting this blog. I have found alot of blogs by moms of kids with aspergers but It is nice to find one of someone with Aspergers. It kind of makes you feel a little more connected to my own son.
Yes. I have a mild degree of Aspergers (I also have mild Bipolar2 and severe ADHD, so there is a lot of stuff going on). I am high-functioning and appear to have excellent social skills.
I hate making eye contact, and it is like you write, not so much me looking at them, but them looking at me. I look away immediately. Other times I feel I am reminding myself to make eye contact, telling myself it is a good idea.
Walking down the street and passing people, that brief instant of eye contact--- I hate it.
I said I have excellent social skills-- but my father was a behavioral psychologist and I essentially was trained in the art of receptive listening. It is n artificial construct.
I realized I had a problem with eye contact about 20+ years ago & "trained" myself in this (as well as in not interrupting people)... didn't know I was an Aspie though until 3 yrs. ago though! (Ahhhh.... that was nice finding that out!) :o)
It's so interesting to read your blog! I recently came to the realization I have a mild form of Asperger's syndrome - it runs in the family: my little brother, father, half-sister and grandmother all have some form of Asperger's, but in varying degrees and on different ends of the spectrum - and that this explains little things that always puzzled me about myself. My previous boyfriend told me he tried to flirt with his eyes a number of times but that I tended to look away, likewise if I tried to flirt I just seemed to freak myself out! He also very sweetly seemed to gaze at me a lot, which I realized I should've found extremely endearing but which tended to make me shy and uncomfortable instead. Generally I tend to look at people's noses and mouths when they talk, but at their eyes when I talk. I don't know why, exactly. Also, when I'm extremely stressed or struggling with anxiety, people's eyes in will suddenly seem very sharp, dark and frightening, and I can't concentrate on a word they're saying. It's so comforting to find out others feel the same way. Humans are such peculiar, complex things!
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